Why can’t condominium board members get along?  That question strikes me every time I field yet another call from a board member asking me to attend an upcoming meeting to keep antagonistic trustees from screaming at each other.

This is not an uncommon problem.  I remember reading about one meeting (not in Massachusetts) at which the police had to be called to separate battling trustees, and another (also not here) in which a shoving match sent one trustee to the hospital with a fractured skull and another to face charges of assault and battery.  Such violence, fortunately, is rare, but friction among board members is not.  It seems to be a fact of community association life, affecting large and small communities equally, regardless of their age, location, or price range. 

Sometimes the tension results from personality conflicts; for whatever reasons, two or more board members just don’t get along.  Sometimes board members have single-issue agendas (they want to ban pets or permit them) and either can’t or won’t focus on the full range of association concerns.  Sometimes a board lacks strong leadership, or, at the opposite extreme, the board president or other members are too strong, dominating discussions and discouraging participation by others.

Any of these problems, alone or in combination, can turn board meetings into shouting matches and turn the board’s decision-making process on its head, with disastrous results for the community association the trustees are supposed to govern and for the unit owners they are supposed to represent. 

Majority Rules – Somewhere Else

Most trustees, although perhaps not all of them, join their board with the best of intentions. They want to make things better for their community.  But they don’t always understand the board’s decision-making process, and if they do understand it, they don’ necessarily accept or respect it.  The “majority rules” concept eludes them.  When they end up on the short end of a 4-3 vote, they take the defeat personally as a rejection of them rather than as a preference for another idea or solution.  Even worse, they take their disappointment and their anger outside the meeting room, seeking from other owners the sympathy and support they could not win from other trustees.  “This is a stupid decision,” they assert, encouraging owners to complain about the policy and even urging them to overturn it. 

This behavior undermines the decision making process and the damage it causes can’t be overstated.  Instead of being a unifying force within the community, these trustees create divisions or exacerbate them.  How can you expect unit owners to live harmoniously and work cooperatively if the trustees themselves can’t get along? 

Can’t We All Just Agree?

Trustees aren’t going to agree on every issue, nor should they.  Honest differences of opinion are healthy, encouraging an exchange of ideas that will often produce better decisions.  The board’s decisions don’t have to be unanimous; they should simply be thoughtful and well-reasoned.  That means, among other things, that all trustees should be encouraged to participate in discussions and share their views without fear that they will be ridiculed or ignored.  You don’t have to agree with other views, but you should be willing to listen to and respect the opinions of others.  This doesn’t involve much more than common courtesy – let others speak without interruption and make it clear that you value their opinions and take them seriously.  Most people will be more willing to accept a defeat if they feel they’ve had a fair hearing and ample opportunity to explain their position.  

We’re the Good Guys

Some newly elected trustees assume they have a mandate to “save” the association.  They ride into their first board meeting like a sheriff on horseback, six-guns figuratively blazing, shooting first and asking questions later or not at all.  That pretty much describes what happened recently at one association, when new trustees received some information prior to their first board meeting.  They didn’t understand the material, but instead of requesting an explanation or waiting for the board meeting to discuss their concerns, they fired off an angry and threatening e-mail to the other trustees.  Understandably distressed by that response, the other trustees contacted me and I had to explain to the new board members that: 

Avenging angel is not usually the best mind set with which to begin a board term.  You owe it to the other board members and to the association to make sure you understand the issues before you start attacking them, or decide that an attack is needed.  While a measure of educated skepticism can be healthy, knee-jerk opposition doesn’t help anyone. 

I Don’t Like Her (or Him or Them)!

Sometimes trustees really don’t like each other. That is unfortunate, but it doesn’t have to be fatal.  Trustees don’t have to be best friends; they don’t even have to associate with each other outside of board meetings and board business.  But they do have to be able to sit around a table, discuss issues civilly and make the decisions required to govern the association.  Setting aside personal feelings isn’t easy, but it is one of the obligations you accept when you agree to serve on your board. 

Knowing Your Place

A colleague once said of a judge he didn’t much like that “when they said he’d been appointed, he thought they said anointed.”  Some trustees have the same misimpression of their role.  As a result, they take actions and make decisions alone that the board should make as a whole.  Trustees who exercise more power than they have aren’t always trying to usurp the board’s role; sometimes they are honestly trying to be helpful and to do the right thing for the association.  But in addition to being improper and often illegal, this behavior is also infuriating to other board members, and understandably so.  The resulting tensions often poison interactions among board members, sometimes leading one or more of them to resign. In too many cases, associations lose the board members they would most want to retain. 

 More understanding and maturity on both sides in these situations might avoid these outcomes.  Board members who insist on doing more than their share should recognize that the “I can do it all” message they convey discourages others from sharing the load, because they assume their efforts aren’t needed or won’t be appreciated.  Board members who feel excluded should explain their feelings, while making it clear that they appreciate the efforts of those who take on too much.  Effective communication won’t solve all problems, but it will solve, or at least manage, many of them. 

What You Can Do

Many of the problems between board members involve a failure to understand their role as trustees, a failure to understand how the board functions, a failure to communicate effectively (or at all) or some combination of all of these.  No single strategy will work equally well for all boards, but the following measures will help ease tensions at most and avoid the most destructive and paralyzing conflicts at many of them. 

1. Think carefully about why you want to serve on the board.  If your goals are limited to one or two issues, you may not be doing yourself or the association any favors by serving. 

2. Consider adopting a rule requiring all new trustees to attend a training course focusing on the role trustees, board procedures, and management issues for community associations.

3. Set an agenda for meetings and give all board members an opportunity to add items to the list. This will establish a structure for the meetings and avoid the endless discussions of irrelevant topics that are sure to try the patience and fray the nerves of even the most mild-mannered trustees.  

4. Adopt rules governing the standards of conduct at board meetings.  Prohibit personal attacks and foul language; make sure board members understand that respecting the confidentiality of discussions is one of the duties they accept when they join the board. 

5. Express your own views freely but respect the views of others.  You don’t have to accept dissenting views or alternative ideas, but you should make it clear that the board welcomes them.  Consider serious proposals seriously even if you ultimately vote against them.

6. Separate opinions and ideas from the individual suggesting them.  As the old saying notes, “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.”  Don’t reject a good idea simply because you don’t like the person proposing it.

7. Recognize that the debate ends after the board votes.  Be prepared to support and enforce decisions, even if you disagree with them. 

8. Do your homework.  Make sure you understand an issue before you suggest a solution or oppose someone else’s.  

9. When dealing with a perpetually unpleasant or disruptive trustee, try to identify the source of the friction and resolve it.  Consider brining in the association’s attorney or another third party to mediate, if necessary.  But don’t use outside mediation as a substitute for trying to find ways to work together.  You will pay an attorney or any other mediator by the hour, and most associations could find more productive uses for that money.

If one trustee makes it impossible for the board to function and if all else fails, consider initiating removal proceedings.  This is a last resort – a mechanism for dealing with trustees who paralyze the board, not for quieting trustees who have differing views and express them.